the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
