i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
