when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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