Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
