Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
