My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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