chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
