Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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