There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
