Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
