it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
