WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I need water and some morals
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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