apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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