did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
