my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i think i have herpe
just one?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Let's get the cat blown out
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
