look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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