no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dicks are not precious.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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