We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
