Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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