Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
