Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
