I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
