Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
