I saw his package. It spoke to me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
