my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
