i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
