You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
