I hope mine doesn't look like that
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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