oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
