So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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