Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
