My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
