So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
