I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
