omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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