Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
