So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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