i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
