You smell like stripper and shame
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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