I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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