between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
