u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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