I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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