Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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