who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
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