he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
