People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
