i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
