Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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