you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
