The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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