She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
