i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
